lesson #1:'you got your hands full'*

--
course:  harding park
pro:  mark harvell
--

being long overdue, i finally took a lesson last weekend in attempt to correct my perpetually right ball flight.  my swing got to spend some well-deserved quality time in front of the camera. 

an hour an a half later, back sore and ego bruised, i came away with 3 pointers:

1) cock your wrists
2) lower swing plane
3) turn over and square the club face

here's a video** freeze frame of my attempt at implementing those tips:



look at the computer-generated yellow line!



#concentrationis


this was the first lesson in a 3-pack series, so there will definitely be more progress, errr, updates, to come!



* that is what the golf pro told me.  true story.  ouch.
**  I GOT A VIDEO!!

an accident happened

--
course played:  peacock gap
balls found:  3
balls lost:  2
score:  109
--

a green at peacock gap

an accident happened at peacock gap the other weekend.  i accidentally accomplished my goal of shooting below 110. 

the last hole was a par 4.  i had to get the ball in the hole in 7 shots in order to come under 110.  while this may not seem like a feat to most, i am known to get scores of snowmen (translation: 8) and above on anything more than a par 3.  surprising myself and the golf gods, i did it - on accident (or is it 'by accident'?).

proving that the 109 was indeed a fluke, i shot a 118 on the next round that i played and put that 110 goal right back on the map.

hot hot heat

with the 110 goal fresh on my mind, i went vegas to get lucky with my golf game.

the first day, we played anthem.  everyone loved the scenic dessert course and all its amenities - scented ice towels, for pete's sake! in between frantically checking my blackberry for work and sweating bullets, i shot a 123.  yes, a 123, my worst performance ever recorded on paper.

the next day, shrugging off the my previous poor performance, my sweat glands and i played dragon ridge.  we did a little better this time around, shooting a 115.

want to know how many balls i lost over these 2 days?  well, it is safe to say that i need to go back to playing presidio in order to replenish my stash.

the road to 110

--

date:  friday, 7/15

course played:  presidio

holes played:  1 through 9

balls lost: 2

balls found:  2

score:  60

--

date:  sunday, 7/17

course played:  san geronimo

holes played:  1 through 18

balls lost:  6

balls found:  7

score:  115

--

i declare my first score-related golf goal*:  break 110.

one weekend and 1.5 rounds later, the goal remains far out of reach. 

will keep you posted.

* this is by no means my first golf-related goal.  past golf goals have included, but are not limited to 1) making contact, 2) getting air, and 3) losing less than 8 balls per round.

every man wins

known as the "evey man" of golf because of his off-the-course hobbies, darren clarke finally won a major this sunday.  besides sitting in the locker room with his clubs and new trophy, he partied:

"i had quite a few pints and quite a few beers and quite a few glasses of red wine, and it all continued until about 30 minutes ago. i did look at my watch before i said that, so it did take a while. but it's been a very good night."*

it was only a few weeks ago when his fellow irishman, rory mcilroy, also had quite the little shindig after his u.s. open win.

who did it better?


* espn.com:  for clarke, the win tastes sweeter, by bob haig

metro golf

--
course played:  metropolitan golf links
holes played:  1 to 18
balls lost:  oh, i dunno - 7, 8, 9?
balls found:   6ish
score:  114 (again)
--

waving goodbye to a fog-covered san francisco, we crossed the bay bridge with with kyle, fran and our hopes in tow.  all of us were secretly wishing to repeat the hole-in-one that happened for elliot last week at metropolitan golf links.  

to me, the course felt more like an obstacle course than a golf paradise.

'environmental areas' sprawl all around the rough, lining many of the fairways.  'enviromental is good!' you might say.  yeah, while it's totally great for preserving the lush wildlife that oakland is known for, it is quite horrible for ball losers / ball hunters like myself.  because the areas are 'protected,' one is not allowed to retrieve one's ball upon hitting it into said 'protected' area.  what does that mean for me?  lots of lost balls and not so many found ones.  in other word - the joy of golf stripped away from my gloved hand.

see the tall grass?  i wonder how many lost balls are in there. 
oh wait, i wouldn't know because it is a protected area.

the course is conveniently located across the highway from a small airport.  every 5 minutes, an airplane roared low above our heads.  nothing like a plane flying over your back swing to break concentration.  i call interference. 

there's a blue sky!  and a plane 100ft above your head!

last but not least, a shooting range is located behind holes 12 through 14.  cognizant that i was in the hometown of tupac shakur, the rapid gun shots were a  little jarring to say the least.  is sound interference an automatic 2 stroke advantage?

highlight of the day:  discovering that the cart had gps!

fran hiding from the gun shots while checking out the the gps... 
and kyle's follow-through

america!

nothing screams 'america!' more than skiing, sunning, and watching a fireworks show.  that is precisely how i celebrated the 4th of july.

 

 

on a side note:  who knew that skiing in a mesh tank top would give you the worst sunburn of your life?

always practicing

--
course played:  squaw village mini golf links
holes played:  1 through 18
balls lost:  -
balls found:  -
--

this past saturday at squaw village, who went to the car and brought out their own putter and own golf balls after the official putt-putt stand was closed? 

let me answer your question with another question:

who has two thumbs and likes to play golf?

this guy.

(the above exchange works much better in real life.)

an announcement

ODDS OF A HOLE IN ONE:

1 in 12,750*

relax.   it wasn't me.  but, since this blog is just as much about celebrating others playing golf (cough-rory-cough-graeme) as it is about my personal golfing endeavors, i wanted to make an announcement:

today, while most of us were at work, elliot became 1 out of 12,750 and got his first hole in one on the fifth hole of the metropolitan golf links.

{clap}  {cheer}  {whistle}  {sing}  {dance}  {fist pump}  {clap}

*golf digest 1999 and national hole in one association

summer skiing

after getting 800+ inches of snow this past season, squaw is going to be open for skiing over the 4th of july weekend.  according to the press release, this will be "the ulimate independence day weekend," with "five lifts... pool parties, live music..."

excited about the skiing, but more exciting about getting burned at the pool, yours truly performed some due diligence on the world wide web.  turns out, the pool at high camp (elevation 8200 feet) transforms from this,



to this...

...  a dj pool party where only pale people are allowed.  i am happy to know that i will fit right in.

but really, how come there isn't one tan person in that photo?

photos from onthesnow.com

a wrinkle in time

--
course played:  ocean course at half moon bay
holes played:  1 through 18
balls lost:  embarrassing
balls found:  2
score:  114*
--

at 9:10am pdt last sunday, i teed off at the ocean course at half moon bay.

the course was quiet; the air was still.  the sun hid behind a dense layer of fog.  about half an hour into play, notes of a highland folksong spread across the manicured grass.  a bagpiper stood at the top of a hill, playing his instrument, while we continued playing our game. 

bagpiper is the little figure at the top of the hill


while the bagpiper was playing, a group of golfers walked by us on the next hole...  dressed in knickers tucked into knee-length stockings, tweed vests and flat caps.


no cart?  no problem.  these knickers are made for walking!  
{click image to enlarge}

for a few brief moments, i forgot about all the balls that i had already lost and was transported to another place in another time. 

* this time, i kept score.

patience rewarded

--
course played:  old course at half moon bay
holes played:  18
balls lost:  5
balls found:  2
--

with a smile and a wink, the starter at the club house informed me that arnold plamer designed the old course that elliot and i were about to play at half moon bay.  being the golf neophyte that i am, i had no clue what that meant.  9 holes in, i still hadn't figured it out.  the course was all kinds of slope-y and ran through the back of quite a number of houses.  around the 10th hole, i got trapped in some trees where it took me no less than 5 swings to get out.  each of the first four swings sent the ball into yet another tree, where it would bounce backwards and almost hit me.  had it been appropriate, i would have called 'fore!' at myself, on my own shot. {meta - gasp!}

as we played the back 9, i couldn't help but notice the wind picking up.  either a storm was brewing or we were getting close to the ocean.  since patience is a virtue, i held in my complaints and kept playing.  hole by hole, swing after swing, i felt colder and became less virtuous.

just when i was about to add some cheese to my whine, we reached the 18th hole.

old course, 18th hole

encouraged by the waves crashing against the rocks and the pacific wind in my face, i hit the ball.

half moon bay

escaping the 'groundhog day effect' that is otherwise known as 'living in san francisco' (65 with a chance of fog), i am taking my golf game to half moon bay for the weekend.  watch out water!  my balls are coming for you.

photo credits:  golfnow.com

roaring for rory!

rory-i'm a 22 year old sensation-mcilroy (and my 2nd favorite golfer), made history a few moments ago.  he has just become the first player in the history of the u.s. open to get to 13 under par.*

photo credit:  ap photo

* tiger woods just got dethroned.  he was the previous record-holder, being at -12 in the 2000 u.s. open at pebble beach.

hello u.s. open

the 2011 u.s. open starts today at the famed congressional country club in bethesda, maryland. 

congressional, in all its stately glory

although play has just started, as far as i am concerned, the top 3 has already been established:

graeme - the wearer of cardigans, the winner of last year's u.s. open at pebble beach (referred to by gq magazine as "the most stylish moment in sports")

rory - looks like a younger, less creepy side show bob, recently was in the lead at the masters until a triple bogey, followed by many more bogeys sent him tumbling from the leader board (important side note:  rory is friends with graeme)

ryo - dresses like he means it, shirts/hats/pants/belts span all colors of the rainbow and every shade in between, only 19, pledged all of this season's winnings to victims of the japanese earthquake, barely made the cut for this year's u.s. open

let the games begin!

photo credits:  usga.com

season ii

since this blog is also about my (sometimes failed) attempts to ski, i would like to delightfully inform you that i just got my pass for the 2011 - 2012 ski season at squaw valley (apparently the 'guarunteed low rate' ends today).  now i just need to gear up for my second season of fun in the...  snow.

you - yes, you - should join me!  get your passes here.

who is graeme mcdowell?

graeme mcdowell (pronounced 'mik-dool') is my favorite golfer for all the right reasons:

1.  he wears the best outfits (see exhibit a)

exhibit a

2.  he wears the best outfits (see exhibit b)

exhibit c

 3.  he wears the best outfits (see exhibit c)

exhibit c

so last night, when the golf channel aired a special on the irish golfer, i set the dvr to record this monumentous occasion.  a shocking revalation occurs 18 seconds into the clip:

at exactly 18 seconds, the golf channel reveals to the world that graeme mcdowell is bristol palin*'s uncle.

either that, or that bristol palin has a doopleganger that lives in ireland and is related to my favorite golfer.

*pre-chin implant

f. is a letter

--
course played:  transit valley country club
holes played:  1 through 9
balls lost:  1 (?)
balls found:  0
--


transit valley course



my golf bag on the transit valley course... on wheels

i used a pull cart for the first time when i was in buffalo.  i tried to resist because i thought that it made my cool golf bag look too much like it rides the short bus to school.  under pressure, i buckled, and dragged this thing around during my two days of sub-par (literally!) golf.  this is what i brought:

a.  balls to lose and tees to break go in that pocket of my ping 4 under golf bag
b.  the driver that refused to make contact with any balls - blame it on the arrow, not the indian
c.  towel #1 because it was extra hot
d.  towel #2 because it was extra muddy
e.  neel's mom's 3-wood that i borrowed and was too bad/afraid to use
f.  the grade for my performance, my bag's appearance* and, coincidentally, the letter of the alphabet uttered frequently during frustrating rounds of golf


*  what is this, a towel rack?

12 hole jitters

--
course played:  transit valley country club
holes played:  1 through 18
balls lost:  2
balls found:  2
--

transit valley

i went to buffalo to celebrate memorial day and to swing some clubs at the place where elliot perfected his golf game.  according to the website, i was in some serious company:

"The primary focus of our club is golf. 

Transit Valley’s reputation as one of the finest golf courses

drew some of the world's greatest golfers.  

Walter Hagen, Sam Snead, Cary Middlecoff, Jackie Burke, Jimmy Thompson,

Bobby Locke, and Gene Sarazen all were visiting players. 

Walter Hagen was an Honorary Member of Transit Valley."

eager to impress elliot's mom, "giver of my driver," and neel, "person to whom i had been talking a big game," i took my game face out of my suitcase and put it on before heading to the course. 

it must have fallen off en route to transit.  to sum up a long and painful round, it took 12 holes for me to start playing some respectable golf - the '12 hole jitters' as some might say.  after regaining my composure, it then took me only 1 hole to lose it again.

i will take this experience as a sign that i need some actual lessons.  watching the golf channel doesn't seem to be doing it for me.

buffalo-bound

"do you ever golf anywhere around here besides the presidio?" you ask.

"why yes i do.  in fact, tomorrow, i am headed to buffalo, new york, premier golf location of northern new york state.  it's just a cross-country jaunt from san francisco," i say.

- pause -

taking your silence as a cue for explanation, i continue.  "oh, you haven't heard of it?  it is quite the hidden gem.  trying to get in on the action before it goes extinct*."

* for the record, i don't find extinction funny.  but, the irony?  buffaloes once faced extinction in the late-1800s.  now, thanks to the host of regulation over the past 100 years, they're back! and roaming freely on their home on the range.  where the deer and the antelope play.  where seldom is heard a discouraging word.  and the skies are not cloudy all day.

nice swing

and...  to the owner of this swing... 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

i wear my heart on...

--
course played:  presidio
holes played:  1 to 9.5
balls lost:  2
balls found:  6
--



MY GOLF BALL

...  or at least i did yesterday.  over the past few weeks, i feel that there has been improvement to my game.  blinded by this illusion of confidence, i made the executive decision to graduate from playing the busch league noodles and muddy talyormades that i have been finding on the course.  i deemed myself ready to use a couple new shimmery calloway solaires.  to personalize them, i sharpie-tattooed each with a tiny little red heart.

then, this happened:

i duffed my very first swing on the very first hole and sent the ball rolling ~15 yards.  at least it was retrievable.  on the second swing, i swung it like i meant it and sent the newly tattooed ball flying - in the wrong direction - out of bounds - over a net - and into the driving range.  MAN DOWN!

its tattooed brother didn't survive much longer.  somewhere between the second and third holes, that little guy disappeared into the bushes.

apparently, new balls aren't meant for everyone.{*}

*insert obviouss, yet off-color ball-related joke here 

wild{e}ly accurate

--
course played:  presidio
holes played:  1 through 8
balls lost:  1
balls found:  1
--

although the dear oscar wilde was more of lover than a golfer, he did once have this to say:

'consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.'

one can only assume that he was referring to golf when he wrote this because i can't think of a sport where this is more applicable.  the game is unforgiving and doesn't leave a ton of room for error.  i mean - come on - the golf ball is so tiny and the club heads are so small!  it is pretty much a miracle when they make contact.

she looks really unimaginative to me

wilde's quote makes me feel better about my whiffs, misses and lost balls while also speaking to my game and my person.  my game?  it's devastatingly inconsistent.  my person?  yep, i'm overly imaginative - no need to run to the refuge of consistency.  just need to buy 'the women's guide to consistent golf.'

not.

north korean open

over the last few decades, the sport of golf has undeniably become more inclusive and more international.  however, that fact did not prepare me for this:


nope, your eyes are not playing a trick on you.  and no, i didn't create this with microsoft paint.  this is the actual logo for the democratic people'e republic of korea's amateur golf open.  according to the official website, the tournament 'took place on the 29th april 2011*. journalists from associated press and japanese/korean media were on hand to cover the event, which was played by 17 competitors, from 8 different countries. the nationalities included uk, south africa, finland, france, germany, australia, luxembourg and dprk.'

while i'm all about celebrating the joys of golf, something about this particular competition seems incredibly odd.  not surprisingly, the united states didn't make it into this year's tournament...  perhaps it had something to do with posters like these:

"the US is truly an axis of evil"**

"wicked man"**

in case you were wondering, the tournament was played in a callaway format (no idea what this means) and olli lehtonen and johannes raitio from finland were the winners.  good job guys - this one will really make your moms proud.

oh!  if you're thinking about playing next year, the 2012 open will be held in pyongyang from may 19 to 21.  better sign up now before all the spots fill up...


* most of the free world missed this tournament as '29th april 2011' was coincidentally the day of the royal wedding - not a great day to go up against in the ratings world (take that! kim jong il).

** posters courtesy of the california literary review of  north korean posters: the david heather collection

binky & me

--
course played:  presidio
holes played:  1 through 9
balls lost:  3
balls found:  2
--

binky bunker, the golfing clown who doesn't like the rules


golf etiquette, much like women's golf clothing, is lame.  each time i play, i get reminded of this fact.  take a look at some of the rules:

1.  don't move, talk or stand close to a player making a stroke.
2.  don't play until the group in front is out of the way.
3.  always play without delay. leave the putting green as soon as all players in your group have holed out.
4.  invite faster groups to play through.
5.  replace divots. smooth footprints in bunkers.
6.  don't step on the line of another player's putt.
7.  don't drop clubs on the putting green.


to these rules and to those who follow them (ehem, elliot), i ask the following: 

what if i am just trying to hang out and TALK to my friends who happen to be the GROUP IN FRONT of me?

what if i want to celebrate my triple bogey on the PUTTING GREEN and want to INVITE FASTER GROUPS to watch me putt (since they have caught up anyways)? 

what if i prize the occasional DIVOT because it means that my ball finally got some air?

lines are invisible and hard to read.  so, what if i accidentally STEP on your invisible/non-existent LINE because i couldn't see it?  your ball probably won't follow anyways because, like i said before, the line is invisible and hard. to. read.

and lastly, what kind of CLUB doesn't let you DROP it like it's hot?*

binky bunker putting footprints in the sand AND 'grounding' his sand wedge

after all this ranting, i do believe that the lesson that we have learned is that binky bunker and i are two golf clowns who don't like to play by the rules...  we try just our best to abide by them so people can tolerate playing with us.


*yes, i know.  this is a little bit of a stretch.  just go with it please.

an ode to squaw

as i sit here on 'hump day'* thinking about weekend plans, it has come to my attention that ski season has officially come to a close.  with that, i leave you with a mediocre poem and some photos of beautiful squaw valley.

california winter first led me to you

lady squaw, you had too few blues

many lessons, i did in fact take

to tackle greens or blacks, a pact i did make

on siberia, you made me cry

a truth, which i can not deny!

down shirley lake, i surely tumbled

from the chamois, we have all stumbled

it was the first of many, as seasons go

the snow and the mountain, i will miss you so

a glimpse of the lake

 a look at the mountain

another peek at the lake

view from the base of the kt-22 lift
where i was waiting for everyone else to finish 

last weekend... in april.
 heavy snow; low visability

me and my purple pants

* 'hump day' as in wednesday... you perverts.